Bakit List

“OUT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, WHY ME?”

Dear Kuya Adam,
I saw your blog while “googling” around. I think you could help me. I am blessed with your testimony in your blog. Matagal ko na rin po kasing problem yung “homosexuality’ though hindi naman ako bakla kumilos o magsalita. It’s been a long time, since 2008. I know you are familiar with cellgroup (others call it ‘lifegroup’) I have this kind of struggle where I become uneasy especially when I am with my co-cell members, usually pag overnight, madalas hindi ako makakilos ng maayos,
hindi po ako makatingin sa kanila ng diretso lalo na po kapag naliligo sila or tapos na silang maligo or kapag nakahubad sila pagkatapos maglaro ng basketball. Hindi ko rin po kasi alam kung paano ba ako makikisama sa kanila. I have this kind of fear na, baka kapag nalaman nila na naa-attract ako sa kanila physically eh, baka tuksuhin nila ako at layuan.

Kapag overnight naman with them, kapag tulog na sila natititigan ko sila pero sinasabi ko sa sarili na lalake ako at para sa babae lang ako.Many times, nung elementary ako, habang nasa CR po kasi ako sa cubicle, isang guard po yung nakita ko na nagpaparaos, then nung nakita niya na nakita ko siya, he grabbed me immediately baka daw magsumbong ako. Sinabi niya na wag akong maingay at pagkatapos non ay binaboy niya ako.Nung high school naman, pauwi na po ako ng school, yung dalawa ko pong kaklase, niyaya nila ako na sumama sa bahay nila. Nakita ko na nandun din yung dalawa ko pang schoolmates na pang umaga and they were watching porn that time. They forced me to have sex with them.

Right now Kuya Adam, I have this kind of “kuya” whom I love, because he appears kapag kailangan ko ng makakasama, nung nagkaroon ako ng problem he helped me. Nakakasama ko madalas sa church and other stuff. Kapag overnight with
us only in his room and he’s sleeping naked, I have this desire to do something immoral. I once did it but I stopped because I realized na hindi ko dapat ginagawa yun. I cried and repented afterwards.

Ngayon kapag ini-invite niya ulit ako na dun matulog sa kanila, umaayaw na lang po ako and dun na po ako nakapag-decide to stop na matulog kasama mga lalake dahil nga dun sa pangyayaring iyon. Mahal na mahal ko po kasi yung kuya kong iyon. Hindi mahal na as in sa relationship but mahal po kasi lagi siyang nariyan kahit na hindi ko po tawagin. para po bang kapag sobrang dilim na ng buhay ko, dumadating po siya kahit hindi ko tawagin then aakbay na lang at yayakapin po ako.

I accepted Jesus Christ year 2009, and that was the time nag-start po uneasiness ko dahil sa cellgroup. I got uneasy because there were happy moments with them, bonding, basketball, etc. I cannot easily get along with them especially when we take a bath together.

What should I do now? Thanks. I hope you can read this.

Bobby , 21, Laguna

Hi Bobby,

Thanks for sharing your life. I know how hard it is to have the kind of struggle. Those moments where I was afraid of letting it go and letting God fix the problem. Moments where I was asking God “why me?” but hearing the answer from Him that He will be glorified through this situation made me pursue life and move on. God has a wonderful plan. That’s certain. We just have to trust God. Like trust Him with everything.

I am not forcing you to do these things, but you might consider;

First.
Find.
Someone whom you can open your situation. Someone you fully trust no matter what. Someone who will encourage you, will strengthen you, and will correct directly your mistakes. I suggest not the “kuya” that you were talking about. It would be better if you’ll share that to your “cell leader. This time you mean it and you have to be bold to tell him first not to halt until you’re done sharing and also tell him that you need a genuine and good listener.

Second.
Focus.
The key to an effective concentration is elimination. It looks like this one scheme of the enemy is taking a hold on you. Deception, you know that you are not made like that. And the enemy wants you to feel that you’re different to destroy you. Remember that, it is his objective. to kill, steal, and destroy (see John 10:10) . Ignore his deceptions and focus on God’s inspirations. Go back to the basic like, intimate devotions and prayer in the morning. I am sure God has a lot of things in store for you and wants to use you for His greater glory.

Lastly,
Face
Governing yourself is one of the hardest things to do. Just like how Heneral Luna puts it, “The greatest enemy is not the foreigner, not the unknown, but us”. I actually commend you on saying no to overnights with your brothers. That is a first step. You alone understand your weaknesses. Let the grace of God be made perfect on your weaknesses ( see 2 Corinthians 12:9b). You should know your limits. God is more than willing to help you, help yourself too.

Always remember that whenever you fall and give in to temptations you are experiencing God will always be there to accept and forgive us. His love is more than our sins. Our call is just top stay in His presence. Never give up Bobby, press on towards the goal and let Him turn you from glory to glory. I am always reminding myself that. Cheer on!

That is all I can suggest so far. Again, thank you. I hope this would help.
Always,
Kuya Adam
If this has helped you, please share the blog to your friends. Invite them to like the page. You are helping other people get to know more of Jesus and get inspired. Thanks!

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