Truth be told, it was exciting to think of travelling to other places, meeting someone new and trying something new. But when you are already experiencing those thoughts it is totally a different story. It is always easier said than done. And because of that I would like to share you things about the travel and the ministry in Cambodia and because it makes a lot easier to tell stuffs about it when I am personifying. Allow me to name and call Cambodia “You”.
When I met You I thought it will be totally just fine because You might have the same culture as mine I mean I was thinking that because you is an Asian country, adjustments won’t be that hard. I was wrong, I really thought You will be acceptable and appreciative, I thought that as I get along for a week You will be good to me and You will understand me better. But I guess I have to know You more and I guess I should’ve not been taking advantage of what I am used to know about You. Although it’s hard and it hurts because I am feeling lonesome at times I have to go on because I know that I didn’t come here to find comfort in You, I know that I didn’t go here to make You love me, I came here to share comfort which I mean share hope and I went here to share love which I mean the love that is from the Lord.
First few days with You is indeed awesome and I can never disagree to that. You showed me different facets like the wonders of Siem Reap (Angkor Wat and other temples), the elephants, the night market, the tuktuk (mode of transportation), the healthy fruits and vegetables, the cold weather in the morning, the pretty sunset, the peaceful Mekong River at night and the melody of You’s song that gives rest. With those facets I almost fell in love, I almost got defocused. But few days aren’t really enough to get to know You and to say that I love You or not. Yes I kind of want You but not love You yet. Want is totally different from love. Although I know that I shouldn’t be thinking of it I mean I shouldn’t be the one to decide. I should be surrendering it to my God and let Him plan for me because His plan is always the best.
The other facet of You is actually sort of challenging me. And it can’t be helped but face it.
You not talking to me make me feel so rejected. I am trying to get through the language barrier, I am trying to study and learn, I am trying to talk to You and I am sending messages but I don’t get that much response. Our conversation is very limited. I don’t know if You is neither trying to be selfish nor I am someone not to talk with. I even made some body language and signs just for You to understand me and even showed some pictures as I teach for You to comprehend what I am trying to say but still not getting so much response and when You does response she would say short answers. I hope it is just because of the language barrier and not because You doesn’t like me. As we get along I look forward of getting to know your language. Understand that it is hard and it will take time but please see that at the very least I am trying, bear with me.
You pushing me food that is alien for me to eat make me feel a bit scared. I don’t know what could happen if I eat it, how my stomach would react to those but I trusted You and I know that by eating it I will somehow share your enjoyment of having them. Crickets, frog (I have eaten it back in my country but I think just once in my life and it never repeated until I met You) a vegetable like what we called “makahiya” in my homeland, and an unripe, not peeled and not cooked banana fruit. Understand that it is hard and it will take time but please see that at the very least I am trying, bear with me.
You showing me how highways and streets here work make me feel unwelcomed. There is this one time while driving a motor and we accidentally fell beside the highway and we were seriously wounded, You didn’t somehow offered us some help. You never showed concern to us, You just watched instead. I don’t know why but I felt that You won’t lend a hand to me at all as I stay with You. On the side I was thinking that maybe it is because we were foreign but my friend told me that even with herself, You does the same thing. It is sad to know but I am still hoping that some parts of You will still be generous in helping. Understand that it is hard and it will take time but please see that at the very least I am trying, bear with me.
James Michener said, “We were never prepared of what we expect for.” I strongly agree because even though I have expected that I will be meeting You and will encounter so many new things with You still it sounds like I am not prepared, but the good thing is I am a bit becoming fine with it I don’t know how I can really get through with all of the hard times, loneliness, and pain with You. One thing I am certain of, it is all by God’s grace and strength that I will overcome and that I can do all things. I will always be tapping from the ultimate source and I will never cease to because He has also never ceases to amaze me. His love is unconditional and His provision is overwhelming.